One of the best things about being retired is having time to play. (And nap.)
Sometime back, Wife Mia said, “No more naps!” but she’s not retired yet, and she can’t watch me every second. She works five days a week, so that gives me plenty of time every day to sneak away for a nap. Or two. Or three.
Now, the sun doesn’t shine much here in Sunny Buffalo, New York during the winter, so a couple of days ago (before I took my early-mid-afternoon nap) I painted a big yellow circle about six feet in diameter on the textured ceiling. I’m not a very good artist, so it was really more of an oval, and it had a small bump on one side. Either way, I thought, it would serve its purpose of allowing me to wake up to the pretense of a bright sunny day every time I opened my eyes.
When Mia saw it she just shrugged and chalked it up to another of my idiot-syncracies.
Since I painted that thing on the ceiling I’ve been having really strange dreams. For example, today I dreamed I was at the Christmas parade. A mom and pre-teen girl — both dressed as elves — were standing nearby on the curb waiting for the parade to reach them.
Pre-Teen Girl: “Mommy, I’m cold! why are we standing on the sidewalk dressed like this when it’s only 10 degrees outside?”
Mommy: “Shut up and drink your vodka.”
The craziness continued during my late-early-afternoon nap. In my weird dream I thought it was nearly Spring, which meant March 15th, which put me smack-dab in the middle of the Ides of March.
Those Ides must have marched for hours while I slept. I dreamed I woke up and saw hundreds of tiny footprints all over the walls and windows. Now I know where the term “spring cleaning” came from. What’s the best way to get Ide-prints off the walls? How about (ahem …) an insectis-Ide?
Finally, this weird-dream cycle was broken by the ringing of the telephone, which I never answer. (Text me instead, please.)
It took a couple of seconds for my eyes to focus on that big yellow thing on the ceiling. I screamed, thinking I was about to be probed by a lemon alien.
This retirement thing is really getting to be weird. Maybe Mia’s right: I should quit the day naps.